This weekend I attended the fourth annual Imaan conference. Imaan is a social support group for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Muslims, their family, friends and supporters, and those questioning their sexuality or gender identity. I was curious to learn more about how LGBT Muslims reconciled their faith and their sexuality, and how they felt that they fitted in to the wider Muslim and LGBT communities, particularly in this current climate of islamophobia.

Multiple oppression means that discrimination is vastly increased when a person’s identity is made up of conflicting aspects. Several of the delegates who spoke in the sessions that I attended mentioned that they had never believed that there could be such a thing as a gay Muslim. One told us how he had thought that he was the only gay man in the world, and then when he discovered the gay scene, the only gay man there who was also a Muslim.

Time and again, the discussion of the group turned to marriage. One man explained how, although he had been out to his family for years, they still asked him when he was going to get married. He would repeatedly have to reiterate that he was not going to marry a woman, because he was gay, and would experience a hostile response from his family, who could not accept that their son would not adhere to this cultural norm. Coming out is a constant and continuous process for all of us, but is made so much harder when an aggressive reaction is almost guaranteed. A delegate spoke about how coming out was a process of two stages. First you must come out to yourself, and then to those you love. All LGBT people must develop a degree of self reliance and self assurance with themselves to be able to make this second step, but I found myself in awe of these people around me who had made this step in the face of such intolerance.

This first stage, of coming out to yourself, can take years. It certainly took me a long time, but for some of the others in the room around me it took even longer as a result of their cultural constructs. When they reached their early twenties, they were married off, and did not have that opportunity to explore their sexuality that many of us take for granted in our teenage years. Years of self-discovery and realisation allow us time and space to feel comfortable and accepting of our sexuality. But when we tell our loved ones, they aren’t afforded these years to get used to the idea. In one of the sessions I attended, the father of a member of Imaan spoke about his difficulty in coming to terms with his son’s sexuality. He said that when his son came out to him, he wished that the words could have been taken back. He wished that he had never told him. He said that every moment, of every day of his life, the fact that his son was gay haunted him. But his son was ‘the most beautiful thing’ that ever happened to him, he loved him, and he understood that his sexuality was not going to change. He understood that this wasn’t a phase. As this father explained his battle in learning to understand and accept his son, people throughout the room thanked him, and the mother of another gay Muslim man with him, with intense emotion for their bravery in coming to speak. I felt enormously privileged to be present for an event which clearly meant so much to so many people in the room. To some, these parents gave them hope that if, or when, they came out to their parents, they might not be rejected. To others, who had come out and had lost their family community as a result, these parents were proof that there was another way, that it was possible to find understanding and even acceptance.

The parents explained how the constant barrage of questions received from family, friends and members of the community about why their son or daughter was not yet married as being one of the hardest things to deal with. The father explained that he found it harder to deal with his son’s sexuality as man, and a member of his community, than as a Muslim. Marriage is seen as so important in a Muslim’s life. It is a cultural experience, utterly expected, and any deviation from this norm is incomprehensible. This really drove home to me how cultural expectations seem to be the biggest difficulty for LGBT Muslims. Several people spoke about how they had a wonderful relationship with Allah, how he accepted them and loved them for who they were. To them, their sexual orientation was between them and their god. Religiously, they had made their peace with their identity. Culturally, however, things were far harder. In not conforming to cultural expectations, Muslim LGBT people are going not only against their own background, upbringing and education, but against the background, upbringing and education of all other members of their religious community. The Muslim community is struggling to accept its younger generation, who are more likely to drink, go clubbing, have pre-marital sex, or date (or even marry) someone outside of their ‘caste’, than in previous generations. These are issues that the community is only just beginning to deal with, and LGBT issues are even further removed from the community ideal.

The work of Imaan is so important in enabling sessions and talks like this to happen. So many people that afternoon said how much these workshops were helping them and how much they appreciated the opportunity to talk about these issues. Several also mentioned that they have become role models in their families and communities for younger LGBT people to look up to and feel less isolated, and it clear that the work of Imaan helps with this. I am proud that NUS LGBT supported this event and that we will continue to support the invaluable work that Imaan does.

For more information about Imaan, visit www.imaan.org.uk

Two refugees spoke in the sessions that I attended. One, a refugee from Lebanon, explained how in his home country anti-discrimination laws were ignored by the authorities and LGBT were arrested and victimised on the grounds of other offences in order to avoid legislation intended to protect the LGBT community. Another, from Iraq, told us how members of the LGBT community there are disappearing on a daily basis. It is so important that we support asylum seekers from countries such as Lebanon and Iraq, where LGBT people are abused, attacked and imprisoned. These people face deportation at any moment, back to the country which cannot accept them.

Iraqi LGBT is a human rights group supporting LGBT Iraqi people. www.iraquilgbt.blogspot.com

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